So by now, the mechanics of Everything vs. Everything are pretty well known.  If not, read back through the previous posts, or just go to BoardgameGeek and download the rules (and all the printable cards!) and give them a read.  They’re simple enough.

Because of that, I think I can now forgo the deep, indepth rules discussion, and move on to the more exciting events of Fandom vs. The Director, wouldn’t you say?

Now, where was I?

Everything vs. EverythingMap

Oh yeah, getting my but whupped.  The white dice are hit points.  The blue dice are boost tokens.  The green tokens are Tetsuo’s “Blob tokens.”

You’ll see I forgot to put Dr. McCoy’s hit points on him.  Oops.  Boy do I have work to do.

Now I know it’s been a throwdown, but I’m sure everyone’s been wondering, where has Mal been?  Why hasn’t Serenity come flying down, guns-a-blazing?

Well, now’s the time as a loud sound is heard, and Wolverine is torn apart by large-grade ammunition.  He’ll be able to recover, but he doesn’t look happy about it.

But when does he look happy, anyway?

That’s the only attack that came, though Strider and Fudd have been giving each other the side-eye, like they found my weakness and are about to exploit it (they both gained 5 boost tokens).  I don’t like the idea of a Ninja and a Looney Toon ganging up on me.  Looks like I need to retaliate and fast!

Raistlin looks up at Serenity and sneers (again, does he ever not sneer?).  With a muttered word, smoke begins to pour out of the ship.  The engines begin to strain and the metal squeals loudly as the vessel pitches wildly, sending debris flying through the air, striking Strider and Tetsuo.  Raistlin looks tired, but pleased.

In the distance, The Director laughs.

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Well.  I best do something, then.

Luckily Wolverine has had enough holding back, and leaps into action.  Strangely he leaps at Codex.  Perhaps she was twirling her hair and making googly eyes at him or something.  He didn’t seem to take too kindly to it, however.  With a snicker-snack, several strands of hair (as well as articles of clothing, clothing that she spent good gold on, darnit!) are laying in a pile at her feet.

Before retaliation occurs, a grand explosion is heard as Serenity explodes into thousands of sparks.  Raistlin is seen coughing blood into a hankercheif, but the smile on his face belies his illness.  The spell worked and Captain Reynolds will not be a problem anymore.

The Director planned for this eventuality, though.  He had his own wizard prepared and ready to fight, and out of the firey wreck of the space-ship, a small shadow emerges.

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Hoo boy.

Willow strikes a pose next to Strider, making eye contact with the Ninja.  They both appear to be waiting for just the right moment to strike, when a high pitched scream causes both of them to flinch.

“Do you know how much gold farming I had to do to afford this outfit?  You jerk!”

Apparently Codex is a little mad.

A flip of her staff and a few of Logan’s teeth are scattered to the wind.  McCoy can’t help but laugh.  But McCoy has to quickly run to help Link as a large cartoon bullet rips through the Hyrulian Hero.  Unfortunately, his body lay vewy vewy still, and vewy vewy quiet from Elmer’s rifle.

With a flick of the wrist and anger in his eyes, McCoy’s phaser fires off, on kill.  Tetsuo is the nearest target, the giant teddy bear almost fully formed.  Though the futuristic psy-abilities are strong, nothing beats science and the bear catches fire, taking Tetsuo out of the fight.

“Hey, you okay?” McCoy says to Raistlin.  Raistlin wordlessly stares at the man.

“Fine, be that way, but this might make you feel better” and he unceremoniously slaps a patch of antibiotics, pain killers and amphetamines onto the mage.

“How dare you!  I…” Raist begins, and then he stops, smiles and turns towards his enemies.

“Fuego!” A burst of fire flies at Willow, Strider and a shadowy figure who was standing behind Willow at the time.

Willow was able to get out of the way as the newcomer, a Man Who is Not to be Named card5

Mages have to stick together, I guess.

However, ninjas are to fend for themselves, and Strider wasn’t able to dodge the torrent of flame.  Not even a ninja could have survived a white hot blast like that.

“Damn fine work,” Bones says, “But you’re mixing your catchphrases, magic boy.”

“You made me modern,” Raistlin says, gesturing at the patch, “I might as well act like it.”

The conversation is cut short, however, as a flash of lightening strikes McCoy in the chest, sending him flying backwards.  The laughter from Voldemort pierces the battlefield.

The lightening continues, Voldemort never letting up, the glee in his eyes getting more intense as McCoy’s screams get louder.

Raistlin begins to form a counterspell, but before he is able to unleash it, a small acorn hits him in the leg.  He spins to see Willow smiling at him.  Before he is able to regain his concentration, the stone creeps up his legs and takes hold of both his body and mind, preventing him from ever casting a spell again.

Which I suppose is more dramatic than Codex smacking Wolverine upside the head again with her staff, but that’s still pretty hardcore.

Wolverine has finally had enough and shoves Codex back, looking threatening.

“Don’t you realize that if The Director wins, we won’t have WiFi anymore,” Logan growls.

“Wait, huh?” Codex says.

“Yeah, you’re playing for the Horde right now.  For real.  You should stop.”

“Oh.  Sorry. Um.  I’m going to go.  AFK.”

And just like that, she logged off.

Logan then looks to his left, seeing the only member of his team left standing is a little yellow furball who’s been hiding behind a rock this whole time.

“You!  Get to work!”

With a nod, Pikachu finally stands and begins jump in front of a bunch of slanted lines now that the Pokemon’s been chosen.

Voldemort quizzicly cocks his head, looking at the strange rat flying at him.  Lightening on lightening should be fun, but before the fur would really fly, a grand voice is heard:

ENOUGH!

Everything vs. EverythingMap

 

And there we have it.  I could have done a little more damage with Pikachu, and Voldemort would have come to Wolverine eventually and that would have been a fun throw down, but you can see just how many Boost tokens were down by now.

So our final scores are-

The Director: 27

Me: 18

Looks like the world has been ruined.  Sorry everyone.

Hope this was fun to read.  It was certainly bizarre to write.

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